Today, I'm writing a list of activities that I believe would be helpful for gay men leaving the Mormon Church. This is a list of things that AI wish I had done, or things that helped me work through my faith transition away from the Mormon Church.
Go a paycheck without paying tithing and invest that money into something for yourself. I recommend this as the first option, because in the past, your tithing money might have been used in the Mormon Church's efforts to prevent same-sex marriage, so it might be worth it to spend some of that money for yourself. You could also take that part of your income and donate it to a charity of your choice instead. You'll be able to research and find a charity that invests in issues that you know and care about.
If you decide to try coffee or alcohol, know that both are acquired tastes. When it comes to coffee, it's more bitter than you expect it to be. I'd recommend starting with mochas first. They're a little sweeter and a little more chocolatey, with a touch of the coffee bitterness. As far as alcohol goes, I recommend starting with the fruity drinks. Alcohol doesn't taste fantastic, but there are some really fantastic fruity drinks that mask the alcohol flavor. And if you go the tea route, chai and London fog are fantastic tea beverages.
Buy some underwear that makes you feel cute. It might sound a little shallow, and a little odd, but I highly recommend it, especially if you are wearing garments. There is so much body shame that is taught in Mormonism, and I recommend spending some time out of the garments in underwear that makes you feel attractive. Unlearning body shame is hard.
On the topic of clothes, I recommend allowing yourself to buy one outfit that feels "gay." You don't have to wear it all the time, but getting yourself something "gay" helps you embrace your identity even more.
Don't go the North Star route. I say this because my own experience with North Star was terrible. It made my social media experience worse, because I kept logging into Facebook to see posts from fellow gay Mormons who were always struggling, and it makes the experience more difficult. I also had a hard time with a lot of the people that I met in North Star, because a lot claim to be welcoming, but I was on the receiving end of some gossip/judgment, even when I was still actively Mormon.
Have difficult conversations with the people in your life. Set the boundaries that you want, and let the people you love know that your boundaries are likely going to change as you figure out more of what you want in your life.
Go to therapy. Therapy gives you new perspectives that can help you reconsider the way that you think about life. People will tell you that meditation and writing are therapy. They aren't. Both are so helpful, but neither is therapy. And we all need therapy sometimes.
Right now, I know that church attendance isn't expected for Mormons, because you know, the pandemic. But I recommend that you take some time off from church. The break doesn't have to be permanent, but I recommend taking some time off church to see if things feel better in your life without attending church.
Talk about your dating life with/come out to the people that you care about. Sometimes that's risky, because they might not support you. You also might find out that people you were worried about are supportive. There's a lot of pain in the finding out that people you love don't love you in the way that you want them to, but as those people step out of your life, it creates room for people who will accept and celebrate your identity and your dating life.
Attend Pride. Not this year, because it's over, and also because, you know, pandemic. But if we ever get the pandemic under control, it's absolutely worth it to attend Pride. You'll see people celebrate their identity, and you'll feel people celebrate your identity. My first Pride experience was a little uncomfortable for me, because I was a prude, and there were people out in public in their underwear, and that made me uncomfortable. But I promise that seeing people embrace and celebrate your identity is such a powerful experience.
I avoided talking about apps, because I haven't used them.