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  • Writer's pictureShaun Anderson

2020 Vibes

Hey friends,


2020 has been a hard year for a lot of us. The pandemic has led to a lot of isolation. America has been reckoning with issues of social justice, which have deepened and reinforced the political divide of the country. It's been a difficult time.

A few weeks ago, I went to the campus art museum (I wore a mask, kept my distance, and washed my hands), and they had an exhibit (the one in the picture for this post (it's a space on the wall, where they painted the words, "This year I have felt,": and underneath they put a lot of different emotions next to pegs, which they have invited visitors to wrap yarn around to demonstrate the ways they have felt in 2020). Words like "uncertain" and "despair" had a lot of yarn around them, but so did words like "optimistic" and "creative." It's a validating exhibit, and I wish more people could see it.

All of this is to say that 2020 has been a challenging year for me personally and culturally. I have battled my depression and had many days where I haven't been able to do more than get out of bed. I have ended relationships with friends that I used to do almost everything with, because I learned they were intentionally and actively manipulating me and separating me from other friends. I have reckoned with religious trauma. I have reconsidered the career path that I've been working toward. In short, I've felt uncertain and I've felt despair.

I've also reconnected with people that I thought I had lost. I've written and read more than I have in my entire life (it's really not that hard to beat my previous record, unfortunately). I've become more honest with my family about the resentment and anger that I feel toward their faith, and that's been a really mixed bag that feels overall positive, but messy. I won't say that I'm happy in 2020. There's still too much systemically wrong, and there have been too many lives lost.

What I want to say is that where you are today is valid. If you are in pain, that's so valid. If you feel positive about things that have happened for you in 2020, that's valid. I wouldn't consider myself the most faith-filled person, but I do believe that we are all where we should be. Know that you are not alone, that you are loved, that I am grateful that you exist, and that there are so many people who are grateful that you exist.

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